Rage of a Ninja: A Tired Chiefs Fan
Let’s make one thing perfectly clear: I’m tired. Tired of the culture of losing that has surrounded this franchise since practically time immemorial. Tired of former Detroit Lions deep threat receivers who don’t make it through one season because they are locker room cancers. Tired of Spider-Men. Tired of coaches who play to win regular season games, but whose testicles shrivel to diminutive proportions come playoff time. Tired of the Tampa 2 and playing “to win the game.” Tired of allowing teams named after horses to come onto our field and smack us around like redheaded stepchildren after we worked so hard to secure home-field advantage. Tired of opposing teams not punting, field goal kickers not doing their job, running backs who’d rather hit a woman in a club than linebackers on the field, backup quarterbacks who are responsible for the team securing home-field advantage losing their jobs right before playoff games to out of game shape quarterbacks who have missed a significant portion of the regular season and lost their starting job due to injury then watching said backup QB sign with your most hated rival and see him make them the class of the AFC and nearly lead them to the promised land, free agent mishaps, letting (Joe) horns blow on down to New Orleans just as they were starting to become productive, drug pushers pretending to be football players, 1st round busts, coaches crying over anything and everything under the friggin’ sun during press conferences, drafting QBs in rounds 3-5, strong-armed and injury prone Alabama QBs with no touch on their passes, priests fumbling, tight ends grumbling, trading for or signing 49ers quarterbacks, and so on and so forth. Ah, yes…the Chi(e)fs have a rich tradition indeed. Ok, I’m not just tired, I’m downright angry. Livid.
Enter Scott Pioli. Everyone’s football genius. The football guru. The brightest lamp in the house. The man who’ll get our beloved team over the hump. Mmm hmm. I’m waiting. While we’re waiting, allow me to point out a few facts. Stay with me, now.
- The “Patriots’ Way” requires a Pro Bowl caliber (Drew Bledsoe) or future Hall of Fame quarterback (Tom Brady). As a matter of fact, so does the “Packers’ Way” (Favre, Rodgers), “Colts’ Way” (Harbaugh, Manning), “Steelers’ Way” (Bradshaw, Roethlisberger), “49ers’ Way” (Montana, Young), “Cowboys’ Way” (Staubach, Aikman), “Giants’ Way” (Simms, Manning), “Redskins’ Way” (Theismann, Rypien), “Raiders’ Way” (Stabler, Plunkett), “Saints’ Way” (Brees), “Bills’ Way (Kelly), and “Broncos’ Way” (Elway). Shanahan, Reid, McCarthy, Walsh, Payton, Parcells, Vermeil, Belichick, Levy, Strahm, Ditka, Shula, Cowher, Tomlin, and Dungy all had, if not the best, one of the best QBs in the league playing for them when they won (Billick and Gruden won on the strength of their defenses). There is no such thing as a coaching genius; you’re only as good as your QB. Point blank, period.
- Pioli, Belichick, et al. got lucky with Tom Brady. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. While we’re on the subject of Brady, no one in the Patriots organization made Brady. Brady made Brady. Pioli, McDaniels, or whoever gets NO credit there. Beginning, middle, end of story.
- For those screaming that Pioli should be worried about what the fans think, get over yourselves and get real. HE’S NOT PAID TO GIVE A SCOTT DAMN ABOUT WHAT WE THINK; that is Clark Hunt’s (and the PR department’s) concern.
- While we’re on the subject of Clark Hunt…Mr. Hunt, you need to grow some. I know you’re short, but so was Napoleon. Assert yourself, please, and demand excellence from those who run and work within your organization. And be a dick about it (it’s YOUR team for Christ’s sake!)
- Pioli needs to be on the hot seat. He hasn’t done much of note other than resigning King Carl and Hermy’s draft picks. McCluster was a wasted pick. I don’t want to hear about Stanzi (I remember that bowl game against Missouri–Iowa won IN SPITE of him). Don’t talk to me about Asamoah, Hudson, Baldwin, Moeaki, Arenas, and Houston; the jury’s still out on those players (so far, so good… so what?). Powe’s so good he’s inactive every week. You say Kendrick Lewis, I say Tyson Jackson. Class dismissed, chill’uns
- Before you start petitioning for Gruden remember: HE WON WITH DUNGY’S BOYS.
- Before you start petitioning for Billick remember: he couldn’t develop a quarterback AND HE DRAFTED KYLE BOLLER. If you want to know how good Boller is, ask a Raiders fan.
- You can call Matt Cassel Scott Pioli’s scrotum, the two are so attached.
- I’m afraid Pioli’s ego won’t allow him to realize that Cassel is, at best, a backup QB who’s only suitable for spot duty.
- I’m afraid that with the 10th-15th pick in the draft (or wherever we land), the Chi(e)fs will draft some slow-footed, corn-fed tackle from that speed conference I like to call the B1G.
- I don’t want Josh McDaniels affiliated with the organization in any shape, form, or fashion. Even if he drafted Jesus Tebow. Amen.
- While I believe Romeo Crennel MAY deserve another shot at HC, I don’t want him employed by our team in any other capacity than DC.
- I’m afraid that the next head coach will be nothing more than a glorified yes man and won’t be allowed to pick the QB of his choice, be it through trade, free agency, or the draft.
- I want Jeff Fisher as our next HC, but I don’t believe we’ll pay his price (refer to the previous bullet point, as well).
So what does that mean, folks? It may very well mean that, despite Jamaal Charles, Eric Berry, and Tony Moeaki returning (hopefully healthy), and a solid core of young talent (mainly Carl and Herm’s picks), a job that should be desirable may not be because of the ego of one Scott Pioli. And that, folks, has me worried. Enraged, even. I’m just sayin’.